One month later...

It's been one month since I received a phone call from Ben saying that he was involved in a shooting.  We've done a lot of "if this, then this..." or "what if..." and had lots of conversations about the events.  We've both dealt with the replays in our minds.  Obviously Ben's are more vivid ... and well, real.  Whereas my imaginary replays lead me down all sorts of roads that no one wants to go on.

And through this journey we've been discouraged, angry, a little fearful and fighting bitterness.

But, those things have begun to fade.  And we see clearer each day that God's plan stands firm in the midst of trials. A wonderful friend wrote me a note the other day in which she said, "It's so neat to hear how God is using this entire tragic event, for His good, and how you guys have seen the opportunity through it all.  Reminds me of this verse in Genesis (50:20) where Joseph is speaking to his brothers, 'As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive.'"

And so we make it our goal to bring about good and not allow Mumford, Clayton or the devil to have a foothold in our lives.

We have been incredibly blessed to befamily (it's like befriending, only better) Dennis and Tammy Cain. Dennis is the chief of Sumner who was shot in the arm, hand and neck.  In the month that has passed we have seen them at least 7 times.  Ben has prayed with them on two different occasions and our church body has been abundantly providing for their needs through prayer, meals, money and gift cards.  They have truly helped us be Christ to the Cains.

We have seen a need in the police community that we have not seen before ... at least not at this magnitude.  The need that we see is that police officers and their spouses (especially in small town Iowa) can be very lonely and in need of friendship.  Needing someone to listen and to hear the cry of their hearts.  Needing someone to help carry the burden.

Because while most people complain about that Pig that arrested their cousin (twice removed) on a drug charge that caused him to lose his job and his kids... nevermind that said cousin was manufacturing meth in his home with his young children there and already about to lose his job because he was too strung out to get to work... somehow we fail to realize that that Pig and his wife are longing for a friend to hear their side of the story. 

And our hope is that God will give us a ministry to lonely, worn out, burdened officers and their spouses.  We are thankful for the opportunity to bring the good news of Jesus to Dennis and Tammy.  We are thankful to invite them to be a part of our family of families.  And the reality is that they are just really fun people to be around.  They are carrying this burden with grace and laughter... strength, dignity and determination.  We are blessed just to know them.

And it all started with a call on the radio of shots fired.

Knock it off...

**Full disclosure I don't have all the facts and I am completely biased**

You're still reading this?  Even after the warning?  Hmmmm...

From what I can tell, last night a Waterloo Police officer answered a call of shots fired at a local bar (who would think that alcohol and guns don't mix well?).  Upon arrival the officer sees the suspect pointing a gun at a crowd of people.  The officer yells out to the suspect to drop the gun.

The suspect takes off gun in hand.

During a foot chase the suspect steps out from behind a tree.
The officer fires, shooting him in the head and kills the man.

White cop. Black suspect.

In the courts of public opinion the cop is a murderer.  In the courts of public opinion the officer should have shot him in the leg, injuring him and then made the arrest.  In the courts of public opinion if the suspect was white the cop would never have shot him in the first place.

The public will want you to remember that this poor young man has a family.  He has a mother.  He lost his life at such a young age and he never had the chance to turn his life around.  The cop is a dirt bag who had other options. He is a racist pig that woke up and thought, "If I get the chance I'm going to murder an innocent young black man."

And I have so many things I would like to say to the courts of public opinion.  But, mostly I would like to say, "Knock it off."

Seriously,  "Knock. It. Off."

1. An innocent responsible human being with any regard for life does not shoot a gun in a place full of people.

2. An innocent responsible human being with any regard for life does not point a gun at a group of people.

3.  An innocent responsible human being with any regard for life who hears, "Drop the gun!" yelled from a police officer does not ignore the officer and take off running.

4. An innocent responsible human being with any regard for life does not jump out from behind a tree at an officer who's in pursuit of him.

A person who willingly puts other lives at danger is not innocent.

Do not think for a second that this officer went home and was okay.  His life has forever changed.  He will lay up at night wondering, "What if..." On the off chance that he falls asleep it won't be long before he is jolted awake by images of the incident.  While he was doing his job, this is not something that any officer hopes for.

He will forever be labeled a murderer.  He will forever have people question his split second decision.  He will be called horrible names and hated be people who have never met him.

Furthermore, the officer followed his training.   He is not a racist.  He is not a jerk.

So to the courts of public opinion I would say this: No matter how much Monday Morning Quarterbacking you will do the truth remains: the officer was doing his job. And he did it well.

Train her in the way she should go...

Today I play the role of the mean mom.  Actually I play the role of great wife helping mean dad be a great parent!

It's not much fun.

Our oldest is being trained in the way she should go and it's not an easy task.  But, we don't often find much value in easy tasks.  You, see she wrote a letter to her younger sister saying things about her brother that were not at all glorifying to God.  In short, she was mean.  She wrote mean things with the intent to hurt her brother and she wanted her sister to help.

Of course this breaks my heart.  I love my daughters.  I love my sons.  I want to protect them from mean spirited things.  Especially when it comes from a family member.  Family should protect each other, not cause harm.

Upon finding the letter I was unsure if she meant it to be mean or if it was a part of a game.  So I asked her to read the note to me.  Her face went immediately white and the tears started to pour when she read it aloud to me.  I called her dad in on the conversation and made her read it to him.  She sobbed.  He had to reread the note when she was done.

It's bad to get caught by mom.  It's torture to be caught in being mean by your daddy.

So Ben declared that she would have to apologize to her brother and her sister.  She would not be allowed to watch TV today.  Or read. Or color. Or write.  Or play with toys.  Or get on the computer. Or play the Wii.

She can do her homework.  She can do extra homework.  She can read her Bible.  She can listen to KNWS.  She can memorize verse for Awana.  She can do chores.  She can lay in bed.  She can sit and stare into space.

This morning she came into my room and told me that she was having a hard time not reading.  There are words everywhere and she's trying to obey, but it's soooo hard.

This afternoon she came into the kitchen crying and saying that she felt left out.  She said that she was miserable.

I told her that I was glad.  That was the point.  And I am glad.  I hope this is the most miserable, awful day of her life.  I hope that she feels lonely and sad.  Because I want her to repent.  I want her to understand that there are consequences to her actions.  We live in a world where all too often we don't discipline our kids because we don't want to hurt their feelings or ruin their self-esteems.

If her feelings are hurt it will be her own fault.  She made the choice to write the note and she made the choice to try to hurt someone else.  If her self-esteem takes a blow it will be because she understands that she should consider others more highly than herself... and yesterday she failed to do that.  I hope that this will make her into a kinder more considerate person.  I pray that we will train her to be a lover of others instead of a lover of self.  I pray that she will love others with the love that Christ has loved her.

I want her to learn these lessons now.  While she's in our house.  So that her dad and I can build her back up and assure her that no matter how bad she fails that we will still love her.  We will do everything in our power to make sure that she knows that she is valuable to us.  More importantly we will also make sure that she understands that once she confesses her sin and turns from it that our Father is faithful to forgive her.

If we don't train our children to care about others then we will visit them in jail later on in life.  That is too great a price and our children deserve more.  So today is a hard day.  But, I believe that it is worth it. 

I am not afraid.

I am not afraid.

When Ben decided to go back to regular duty last Friday I was not afraid.  Above all I was thankful.  I wanted to get back to normal.  I wanted him to get back on the horse.

It doesn't mean that we were okay.  It doesn't mean that we were healed from the shooting.  It doesn't mean that we were ignorant of what could have been or that we were "normal" ... we will never be accused of that!

But, my husband is a warrior.  He was born a warrior and he will always be a warrior.  He is not the kind of man to sit on the sidelines or to cower in the shadows.  He will be on the front lines and he will defend the weak against the evil of this world.  And I love that about him!  I deeply admire him and pray that our sons will have that same character. 

He is my protector and he is darn good at it.

When he graduated from the academy he promised me that he would always come home to me.  He promised that he wouldn't get shot.  And so far he has done an excellent job of keeping that promise.

When I hear Ben loading his gun in the morning I pray that God will keep him safe.  I pray that he will never have to use his gun, but if he does that He will be faster and more accurate than the other guy.  And so far God has faithfully honored that prayer.

I am proud to be a wife of a cop.  It's an honor.  I hope I wear it with half the dignity that my husband fulfills his duties as a police officer.

Officer Daddy at his academy graduation with Hannah, Benjamin and Emma.  

See, I told you he's a warrior!  And he's pretty much Hotsauce. ;)

The week after...

It's already been a week since the robbery.

An incredibly emotional and exhausting week.

Most people that I've discussed the events with come back with the same response 8 out of 10 times.  They will say, "Whew.  Praise the Lord that He was looking out for Ben! Glad it's over now and you can rejoice in that."

Yes. Praise the Lord, Ben's okay.  Yes, I know Ben's days are numbered and God holds each day in His hand.  Yes, there's no better place to be than in God's hand or in God's will.  I know, I know.  Your cliches are well appreciated.

I know that I have regurgitated these same thoughts.  But, honestly, sometimes I look at people and want to just shake my head and walk away.  Other times I want to scream, "What do you know?  Shut up!"

Maybe I'm being too hard on people.  But, the reality is that someone tried to murder my husband last Tuesday.  If you're a wife I want you to say this aloud, "Some one tried to murder my husband."  Now imagine saying that when it's true.

Glad it's over now?  In what universe is this over with now?  Today Ben called from work to tell me to call the locker and let them know how we want our pig butchered.  I hung up and Hannah looks at me and says, "Please tell me he wasn't in another chase."

Fast forward 2 hours to lunch.  Gabe is praying, "Please God, don't let anyone shoot at Daddy or his car today."  And I thought Gabe had no idea what was going on!?  Jack, who parrots everything that Gabe says, told me as I was getting him ready for his nap, "Mama, before I sleep I'm gonna pray that nobody shoots Daddy, just like Gabe does."

It's not over for us.

If you want to help please just ask how we're doing.  No advice, no wisdom, no "If I were you..."

And pray.  Pray that we will heal emotionally and that we will have the wisdom to lead our children through this...

The day after...

This is a do-over.  Yesterday's blog seemed incomplete.

Yesterday at 11:17 am two men, Jeremiah Mumford and William Clayton went into Maynard Savings Bank armed with what we have heard was an AK47 and two other handguns.  They robbed the bank and took off down gravel roads.

Ben was in New Hampton and thought to himself, "If I robbed a bank and was headed this direction what roads would I travel?"

Turns out he was right.  Too right.

He identified the car traveling at 40 mph on a gravel road.  He called it in and began his pursuit.  Chief Dennis Cain was also in pursuit.  Ben was the lead car.  He came under gunfire within a few miles.  One shot hit the A frame of his car.  He slowed down and the next shot went in his windshield and out the back window.

He called out on the radio, "Shots fired.  Shots fired.  Shots fired."

Cain took the lead and Mumford unleashed 6 rounds into his vehicle.  Two of the bullets hit him.  Ben was the first one to Cain and helped hold pressure on his wounds, soon a deputy assisted him.  Ben will tell you that it seemed to take the ambulance forever to arrive on the scene.  Those on the other side of the radio will tell you that for some time they lost contact with Ben and Dennis because Ben couldn't talk on the radio while holding Cain's wounds... they only knew that an officer was down and that was all the information that they had for awhile.

As soon as he had a chance to call me he did...
"I'm okay Kelly.  I am okay.  You need to know that I.am.fine."
"Okay?... What?..."
"I was shot at today. Twice. I'm okay.  I didn't even get any glass on me..."

And after he told that he had been shot at I didn't really hear anything else.  This was not happening.  He's DOT.  This is not supposed to happen.

Of course we know that this is a possibility.  Of course we know that as a certified police officer that he faces dangers every time he puts his uniform on and gets into his patrol car.  But, yesterday that became all too real.

He came home early.  But there were still men that are close friends, some we'd even count as brothers, who were still in harm's way as we waited to hear if they would apprehend Mumford and Clayton without further incident.

While we were waiting for word on the two men at large we were overwhelmed with the care that the Department of Transportation Motor Vehicle Enforcement agency gave us.  We were well cared for by our families, our church family, friends, neighbors and police friends from all over the state.

We were also able to meet Dennis Cain's family and we hope that we were an encouragement for them.  We ask that you would continue to pray for him and also for Officer Domino.  But, we would also ask you to pray for all of the law enforcement who were involved in yesterdays events.  We ask that you might pray for those who were in the bank at the time of the robbery and all others who were effected.

Please pray for our hearts as we have just today actually seen the faces and learned the names of Mumford and Clayton.  We do not want to become hardhearted and bitter.  But, we will be at the trials, oh we will be at the trials...

Please pray that we get good rest.  Last night was rough.  Please also pray that we would have time to "decompress" and that we could do that in our own timing.

I am reminded time and time again that I'm not a widow and that my children are not orphans.  I am reminded of the goodness and the faithfulness of God and that every morning His mercies are made new.  And in the midst of that I am also reminded that yesterday two men tried to murder my husband.

Weary Mama

I cannot get Jack potty trained.

He turned 3 in September and for the life of me I cannot get him to go on the potty.  He will sit on it if I put him on it.  He may or may not go.  He's gone #1 the most, but occasionally has gone #2.

But, he.will.not. do it on his own.

He pees in his underwear and cries, but it doesn't motivate him to do it on his own.

We've tried all of our tricks that we did on the other kids.  We've tried asking him if he wants to be a big boy like Daddy, Benjamin and Gabe.  He couldn't care less.

We've given him treats when he didn't go in his pants and have tried punishing when he did go in his pants.
Doesn't make a lick of a difference.

Hannah essentially potty trained Emma when she yelled at her, "You're not four!  I'm four!  Four year olds don't poop their pants."  Emma went on the potty from then on.

Don't think for a second that I haven't considered having Gabe yell at Jack the same way!

We've done the whole set up with the baby doll that drinks water and has to pee.  We have the baby pee in the potty and then have Jack do the same thing.  He thought that was so fun... for 30 minutes.  He lost interest and was gone.

Each Turkey Bottom is so different from the one before.  I keep having delusions that eventually I have to have something figured out.  Turns out that the next child humbles me.  I may think that I know a lot about raising kids, but I don't.  I think God wants me to completely rely on His wisdom. 

He created them.  He knows even better than I do how they tick!  He has perfect timing and sometimes all He needs is for me to ask!  If I would just ask Him what in the world He wants me to do to get this kid to stop pooping in his pants. 

I know. I know.  I've disgusted some of you.  But, it's true.  God cares about me.  He cares about the frustration that I'm having with this boy who (in my opinion) is way too old to be in a diaper.  He knows that I'm concerned about the cost of having a kid in diapers.  He knows that I'm weary after changing diapers for over 9 years straight and that for 6 1/2 of those years I had multiple turkeys in diapers!  My Abba Father truly cares about the things that concern my heart.

He desires me to walk with Him through the drudgery of the every day.  He understands the weariness of motherhood!  So Mama, what's weighing on your heart?  Are you walking with your Creator? 

Prayer changes things...

I wrote yesterday sharing that Ben and I were hoping to adopt a baby.  I mentioned that the mother's parents were wanting her to abort the baby and that she has an appointment at Planned Parenthood on Wednesday.

We have been praying and asking for all of you to pray that God would persevere the life of this precious little one. 

I asked that you might pray that God would protect my heart.

Today, we found out that the mom has changed her mind.  There will be no abortion!  But, there will also be no adoption.  She is planning on keeping her child.   I can only assume that this will be best for the child.  I will continue to pray for both mother and child and that God will use this situation to bring them both (and the grandparents) to the throne of the King.

I rejoice in knowing that this child will have a chance to breathe, a chance to cry, a chance to laugh, a chance to dance, a chance to fall down, a chance to run, a chance to love, a chance to hurt,  a chance to learn and a chance to fail.  I rejoice in all these things because they are all a part of life.  And in all these things this child will have the opportunity to praise God and grow into the person that God intends.

Thank you for your prayers.  I may never know this child, but he/she has already won my heart.

 

No, I'm not expecting!!

Two people asked me today if I was expecting.  I am not.  Not really.  Well, obviously, not at all...

But, we would love your prayers.  Please, please, please!

Sunday at church a man, who is also a lawyer, announced that he was looking for a couple that might be interested in adopting a baby that's due in 2 months.  I took one look at Ben and he said something like , "Yes, I know."  And he does, he knows.

We tried to approach the man after church, but another man was already discussing the situation with him.  My heart dropped.  Ben immediately told me not to worry about it and that God's will would be done.  I later texted the man's wife about the baby.  It seems as though the biological grandma may keep the baby. 

And so we continue to wait.

Last night at small group Pastor Not Woman told us that he knew of another baby that is in need of a family.  Apparently the young woman's parents want her to abort her child. 

Break.my.heart.

She has an appointment with Planned Parenthood on Wednesday. 

I wept.

I believe that God can do anything.  He can move mountains.  He can perform miracles.  He can change appointments.  He can spare the life of this baby.  Of a baby we would dearly love to have as our own.  Pray that as God continues to knit the baby together that He might also be knitting into the heart of the mom and grandparents that there are other options. 

Please Lord.

So no, I'm not expecting in the traditional sense of the word.  But, I am waiting in expectation of God's will to be done and praying that He will protect my heart while protecting the life of this precious life.
 

Changes

School is almost done for the day.  Just a couple of spelling tests for the girls and then to help Benjamin through a few phonics exercises. The house is full of the scent from a Vanilla Bean candle in the TV room and a Heaven Scent candle in the kitchen.  Lunch will be coming out of the oven in the matter of minutes and Hotsauce will be home in a few hours.

The boys are racing and crashing their Hotwheels into each others and bickering about all sorts of different things.  Hannah is curled up on the chaise lounge with a book, while Emma is playing by herself in her room.  I'm sure that she's in a land of her own making.

In the past week I've put out all of my fall decor which reminds me of At Home America and the bad taste it's left in my mouth.  I quickly try to remember the many ways that God blessed our family through AHA and choose to focus on the good. 

The back door is open and there's a crisp breeze that occasionally blows through.  Another reminder that fall is here and soon we will be closed up inside for the winter. 

For the first time in weeks I woke up being able to breathe out of my nose instead of my mouth.  I have only blown my nose a few times and the "snot" that had been draining out of my eyes seems to have dried up.  Praise the Lord!

Today is the last day that the Driscolls will be 7 as tomorrow we will grow to 8.  Julayne will be here for a matter of time that we have not determined.  And we keep reminding each other that it's a great adventure that we are on.  It's much like adding a new baby to the mix.  Every night before I went in for a scheduled c-section I would be filled with a full range of emotions.  Of course there was the excitement and the joy of adding a new member to our family.  The anticipation of seeing the baby's face for the first time and holding it to my chest made me lose sleep at times.  But, then realizing how much I love my family just the way it is and how once the baby is born it will never be the same brings a feeling of ... of ... I'm not sure how to explain it. The new baby adds new demands and new opportunities to pour my life into this new little soul.  After adding five souls to our family and having the family dynamics change five different times the one thing that remains the same:
We would never ever ever choose to go back and have things the way the were.

So we prepare this day for a new sister (of sorts) to move into our ever growing family.  And while we know that we will have to make adjustments and that the family dynamics will change... we also know that God intends for this to be a time of great blessings.

Apples, blood and three missing children.

So this apple looks pretty regular right?  Nothing too out of the ordinary right?  Hmmmm.  I bet Benjamin James and I might disagree with you a bit.

When this apple came into our house I silently thanked God for providing this blessing ... and his two apple friends.  I knew that God in His infinite personal care gave this apple to show His provision and love for me. 

Remember those Dave Ramsey and running blogs that I've been writing lately?  Well, they come into play here.  You see we are budgeting like crazy mad people.  Every penny that comes into this house gets named and assigned a duty.  When you start counting your pennies you get a little crazy obsessive and you want to stretch that penny as far as it can go.  Well, I read that a good pre-race meal would be string cheese and an apple.  A light meal that will give you the energy you need prior to a 5k.  No big deal.  It just so happens that apples are in the produce aisle (Thank you Captain Obvious for that detail) and at the store that I was shopping in the produce aisle is the last place I go before checking out.  I was already over budget of what I wanted to spend on groceries for our camping trip and if I'm going to buy an apple I don't want a Red Delicious or some mushy cheap ole apple... I want a big juicy sweet Honeycrisp.  It's the royalty of the apples, am I right?  Royalty comes at a price.  Besides that there wasn't a stinking Honeycrisp apple in the whole joint.  So I considered my next two choices: Braeburn or Gala.  They're decent apples and well priced, but my heart was set on Honeycrisp and since the budget was already tight I couldn't justify buying 3 apples for a pre-race meal when I could really just eat a slice of toast or something.

I left without the apples.

Before we left on our camping trip Hotsauce's mama came over and dropped off a few things.  Her and Pastor-Not-Woman were preparing to leave on trip to Idaho for a week.  So guess what was in her bag of things-that-will-rot-before-they-return?? 3 free apples.  One for me, one for Hotsauce and one for Michael for our pre-race breakfast. 

Isn't God just amazing that way? 

Well, much to my disappointment Hotsauce tells me that I should skip the apple before the race because I could build up acid in my legs easily that way.  Shut.the.front.door.  But, that's okay, God's blessing was still there.  He still knew my desire and answered it. 

Fast forward to yesterday.  We had homeschool group for the first time this year and the amazing PE teacher told the kiddos that God created their bodies to move and not to be lazy.  The amazing PE teacher told the kiddos that God wants them to be healthy and eat right and then that amazing PE teacher showed them some exercises they could do at home to help keep them healthy and active. 

Benjamin, age 6,  took that advice to heart.  He asked if I would go running with him last night and so we ran for 1.2 miles.  He did great!!  His little legs take 3 strides to just one of mine, but he kept up well and never stopped talking the entire way, might I add. 

Today he saw the apples in the fridge and asked if he could have one.  But, there are only 3 apples and 5 kids.  So I suggested they share and then I sat down to blog and pretty soon the screaming started.

First a mild whimper.
Then a gasp.
Finally shrill screaming mixed with panic and crying.

Moms know all about crying.  There's whiney crying.  There's I hate my sister crying.  There's sickness induced crying.  There's homework crying.  There's even a pinched my face in the door, but there's nothing to worry about crying.

This was not that crying.

This crying signals get your keys you're going to the Emergency Room with blood on your shoes with five kids in tow.

Sure enough Benjamin sliced his thumb and had skin flapping off and blood squirting.  One look and my stomach hit the floor.

When we pulled up to the ER there was a plump little man with dark glasses and a buttoned up yellow shirt (which was crying for mercy and ready to burst at the seams) who was walking very quickly for the door.  I'm guessing drug dealer, of the legal variety, who seemed oblivious to us until we started filing out of the Suburban.  He glanced at me and gave a nervous smile but kept walking briskly.  I, too, was half walking half running, in the traditional ER-bound panic pace.  When he saw that I was surrounded by the Turkey Bottoms he fell off pace a bit. But it wasn't until Benjamin, The Strong and Courageous, let out a shrill "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIEEEEEEE, OW, OW, OOOOOWWWWWWWWWWIIIIEEEEEEEE," did the plump man actually look at him and see his blood covered paper towel and immediately stopped dead in his tracks.  It was as if our little race to the entrance lost all meaning for him and I was declared the winner on the spot. 

Having 5 kids in the ER is never any fun, especially when you're the only parent and lunch was interupted by a cut thumb.  The room was tiny and the receptionist lead the 4 other kids to the waiting room.  I was not a big fan of this, but had few options.  Leaving in a rush also meant that I left my phone at home and couldn't call in any back ups.  I found myself racing from Little Boy Screams Like A Girl's room to the waiting room and counting heads.  My first check proved that the four heads were accounted for and I overheard a nurse who was looking out for them say how well behaved they were doing.  Ego boost got a big check mark and back to the screaming child in room 3.  Wound was washed and tears cleared up and face returned to normal shade of freckled white.  Doc came in and decided that we would try the glue first and save the boy from getting stitches.  She leaves to get the glue and I duck out again to check on the crazies in the waiting room.  At first glance Hannah is glued to the TV and the other Turkeys are no.where.to.be.seen.  I do the frantic double-triple-quadruple-twentyle-take and try not to sound hysterical when I ask Hannah where the others have gone.  She barely rips her eyes from the TV to mumble that they went to the cafeteria.  Panic builds. 

"They went where?" I say in my worse I'm-trying-not-to-freak-out voice.
"The cafeteria." Hannah sees through me instantly and her expression changes immediately.
"With who???"
"With Emma." Tears are welling up in her eyes.
"Where's the cafeteria?" I don't wait for an answer and start looking for signs that will tell me where my babies have gone. At this point no sign can help because I'm in full out hysterical panic as I run up one hall and down another and in 3 circles.

I take Hannah back to Benjamin's room and leave her there so that I can tell the nurses to put out an amber alert.  As I make the frantic announcement at the nurse's station that 3 of my children are missing and feel the panic ready to hit an all time high... at this point a lady says, "They went to the cafeteria."

Ya, well, someone took the cafeteria  too.  Because I sure as heck can't find it... is what I wanted to say...

Wouldn't you know it just as the woman is taking me to the cafeteria three barefoot children woddle down the hall.  AHHHHHHH. 

So that was my lunch.  I'm sure after I have time to debrief a little more I'll go back to seeing that apple as the blessing it is, but in the meantime I gotta go cuddle on Hotsauce who just got home from a week long training in Des Moines!!!


A little glue and a band aid and it really doesn't look that bad!

The after picture... still trying to keep a stron upper lip.

 

 

About that 5k I keep talking about!!

My coach and me!

So, waaayyyyy back in May I decided that I wanted to run a 5k.  I was feeling pretty low on self-confidence (which I mentioned before) and knew that I had to do something that I didn't think I could do... and for some reason, during a psychotic break, I had this really great idea to run a 5k.  I cannot stress enough how much of a runner I am not.  I have never enjoyed it and have always thought that Hotsauce was ca-razy to have gone out for Cross Country and did it for fun!  Yay, fun like jabbing forks in your eyeballs fun.

On my first run I ran 1.2 miles and did so in at a world record pace of 13 minutes.  Yes, 13 minutes.  I know, be jealous.  I also had to walk 3 times.  Seriously, I amaze myself.

Thinking about it now, I'm amazed that I kept up with it!  But, I started telling people that I was going to run a 5k and the thing about telling people is that they hold you accountable.  At some point I decided to tell Hotsauce my plan and that was a big mistake!  Big mistake in that he decided he was going to do it too... which meant I had no chance of backing out.  Big mistake #2 was telling my brother, Michael that I was planning on doing and asking him if he wanted to run it with us!  He said yes and now I was locked in for better or worse...pain or endurance...big fat wimp or big fat wimp.

Now remember I started training way back in May and didn't actually run in a race until September 8th.  I needed plenty of time to train... aka make absolute sure that I wasn't going to make a complete idiot out of myself.

In order to motivate myself I made some goals.  They were by no means Olympic sized goals, but just the same I knew that I needed something to shoot for or I wouldn't know how to gauge my success. So here were my three initial goals:
1. Finish.  Seriously, this was a big one for me.
2. Finish without walking. 
3. If at all possible finish under 30 minutes, but time didn't matter so much as finishing!

During my pre-race training I once ran 4 miles without stopping.  It was really challenging for me, but I accomplished it with the help of some crazy lady Connie Pauling, who drove by and yelled at us cheered us on which really lit a fire under me to finish strong.  Another time Hotsauce had me running intervals at the track and yet another time we ran hills.  It was pretty intense for this old gal.

I also spent time online looking for tips to run a faster 5k, or what to do before your 5k race and what not to do and so on and so on... because again I was afraid of making a complete idiot out of myself and since the I was doing this to boost my self-esteem I didn't want to be the idiot... at least not this time.  I found all sorts of valuable tips that Hotsauce and Michael really felt were valuable and agreed they must be true since I read them online...sarcasm should be heavily noted.
1. Don't run the two days before the race, you want to be rested.
2. Make sure you get great sleep two nights before the race.  The night before the race you're likely to be a nervous wreck and might not get good sleep.
3. Carb overload the night before a race.
4. Eat something light a few hours before the race, for instance an apple and a cheese stick.
5. Don't experiment with new clothing/shoes the day of the race.  Make sure you're comfortable and wear shoes that are worn in. 
6. Don't wear the free shirt to run it ... only newbies do this.  I guess if you're a newbie you still shouldn't do this!

Well after sharing my expertise with them I got hammered pretty hard. ;) I guess apples release a lot of acid that you don't want stored up in your legs, so skip the apple.  Carb overloads aren't proven and may even slow you down... so skip this.  And if you're like me you'll be a nervous wreck 2 days before the race so you won't get any sleep that night. The night before the race I was so sick to my stomach that there was no chance of sleeping well again.  So skip the sleep, you don't need it anyway.  Who needs to be refreshed to run?? ;)

I should mention that a few days before the run I saw our friend, Joe, at the grocery store and he helped me modify my goals so that goal #1 (Finish) was changed to: Finish without having an ambulance called.  And right before the race Michael helped me modify it a bit more to: Finish the race without having an ambulance called and without crying.

The morning of the run it was 50 balmy degrees out.  I had never ran in temps cooler than around 75 degrees so I was in my element... or so stinking cold that I couldn't wait to run just to warm up a little bit!!!  I have to tell you that when the gun went off that I was in shock at the number of people that took off sprinting.  I mean I expected some people to do that, but almost everyone did!  I looked at Ben and Michael and said, "Are they serious?" I had also read online that some people will start too fast because once the gun goes off that they will take off and wear out early.  I assumed some of these people were going to pay for their sprinting later on... turns out I was wrong we never passed a single person!  Which was really annoying because there was this old man ahead of us that would sprint for awhile and then walk and then sprint and then walk and then sprint and then walk... and every time he would start walking I would think that we would catch him and pass him. We never did.

In the end I accomplished all of my goals for the day.  I finished without an ambulance or tears.  I finished without walking and under 30 minutes.  Before the race I had never ran a 5k under 30 minutes and so that was very exciting to me.  I also finished before Ben and Michael... but not because I was faster then them... just because I was being silly at the end for the sake of the loud cheering Turkey Bottoms and their cousins! 

Nothing but smiles since I can see the finish line!!!

My running security guards!

*Race Notes*     At the one mile mark I asked Ben what our time was, since I had forgotten to wear my watch.  He told me the time, which was much faster then we normally run our first mile.  I asked him if we were on pace and he said, "Yes. A little fast, but we're on our pace."  Somewhere around the 2.5 mile mark I noticed that Ben was about a step ahead of me and Michael was drifting back a step and since I was in the middle I figured Michael was either tired or trying to draft off of us.  ;) Turns out they both knew that we were running quite a bit faster than my normal pace.  Ben was running faster to try to motivate me to keep going and Michael was backing off so that if I needed to slow down I would have "an out"... I can't tell you how much I appreciate both of them and their desire to support me in any way that I needed it! 

 

 

I know this is blurry, but it's my proof that I beat both of them!;)

 

Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, cinco, seis - Our Total Money Makeover Journey

That's right, uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, cinco, seis... making it six and a half budgets for the month of September.  With only uno fighto about mula! Actually our fighto wasn't about the mula, so much as we weren't listening to what the other person was saying - which was the exact same thing the other person was saying only lost in translation from blue microphone to pink hearing aids.

The last time we had to "re-do" the budget was thrilling for us!  All 12 pages of it was a joy!  Here's why... We have a big old house.  It's leeeeeakkkkkkyyyyy!  Around this time last year we had some insulation guys come in and run a test on the house.  They close all the windows and doors and put a huge 'ol fan in the door and with some sort of meter doohickey jobey deal and they give you a number... I don't remember what number our house got or what number is good.  What I do remember is that our number was bad, bad, bad.  In fact, we were told that we had the 2nd leakiest house that they ever tested. Uh-oh spaghetti-o! We already knew that we needed to re insulate, but were hoping to score a bit higher on the meter doohickey jobey deal. ;) Long story short it took many weeks and some odd encounters (for another blog another day) and our house was done... kinda.  We have lots of construction projects left that need to be finished up and then we will have a tightly sealed house. 

So what does this have to do with our thrilling budget you may ask?  We have been on even pay with Alliant Energy since we moved in and we pay a lot... and by a lot I mean we pay A.LOT.  Not quite so bad as we did when we lived in the old farmhouse in Arlington and paid $1,000 a month in the winter, but still we pay A.LOT. So Hotsauce, the resident nerd, was paying bills via the phone and was told by the Alliant lady that we had a credit with them... our even pay was too high and we had something like a $500 credit with our name on it waiting for us to cash it in.  So cash it in we did, which left us with $79 for next month.  AND our even pay was lowered!  Woot wooters!  We may have done a happy dance!

So we had to reallocate a little over $400 to other areas of our cash flow plan and that was a pure joy my friends!

There have also been some small victories that make me giddy too.  Now, I'm the free spirit in our house which means that I like to spend ... but I have nerd tendencies too... and I love a good deal.  I will be the one who wheels and deals and waves the cash around a store saying, "That's not good enough."  Well... someday when I have cash to wave around I will! Anywhoo my small victories for the week.  We have 4 of our 5 kids needing new shoes.  And it's always a stressful thing to come up with the cash to do that in one month.  But, we budgeted for it and I came in under $35 of our budget for the shoes and did another happy dance!!  Now, this next one is not going to sound very exciting, but it put a huge smile on my face.  We drive a Suburban and filling the tank is enough to give anyone a heart attack.  I know, Dave, we should drive the van... but it has issues.  Well, I always forget that we have a coupon to get 5 cents off per gallon if I drive to a less convenient gas station.  But, I finally remembered to bring the coupon and after filling up I saved $1.32!  If I keep this up in 3 years we will get a free tank of gas! ;)

I know you're shaking your head right now... but that $1.32 is an indication of the change that is taking place in my heart and in our lives.  That $1.32 means something to me.
 

Goodbye At Home America

If you've spent anytime at all on my Facebook account over the years you have heard me promoting a company called At Home America.  On two different occassions I was a HomeStyle Specialist and sold their a.maz.ing homewares.  You've been asked to "like" my Kelly's At Home America page on Facebook and have heard over and over and over and over about how much I love At Home America.

I even got to go to Chicago on two different occassions to rub elbows with the owners and meet other homestyle specialists who really believed that AHA was an extension of their family.

Me pictured with co-owner Becky Wright ... I was growing out my unfortunate mullet and looking especially chubby in this picture... during their 27th AtHome America birthday celebration

 

VP Tim Curry, Julayne and I "dancing" At Home America style! At Forum January 2011.

Well, I heard on Friday morning that At Home America is no more.  I don't know many details and can make some good guesses as to why it has gone out of business... but still I find myself in shock and awe. 
Last February I hosted a show at Pizza Ranch here in town.  I had an awesome turnout and the sales of that show was perhaps that best that I had ever had!  I really considered coming back to AHA as a rep, but Hotsauce was really unsure.  We decided to put off my going back until this fall.  It didn't take us that long to make up our minds that I would not be going back.  You see it's now September and I still haven't received all of my products from that show.  =( You cannot build a buisness (or sustain a business) if your customers have to wait this long to get their items.  I don't know why AHA suddenly couldn't fill orders... quality control issues, vendor issues, financial issues, bad management issues... there are a hundred possibilities! 



This picture of my favorite Turkey Bottoms was featured in a few of the At Home America catalogs!

I just know that I'm incredibly sad to have to say goodbye to this company.  I love, love, love their products.  I have met some truly amazing people through the company and would ask that you might pray for Michelle, Shelly, Theresa, Patty, Melanie, Janet, Kelley, Jean, and even Becky and Lisa as they all try to tie up loose ends and move on from this difficult time.

**Julayne... I will still make you count how many items in a room are from AtHome America, it's just going to get boring now that the number will never change. ;)

 

Turkey Bottom Haven Now Open!!! Our Total Money Makeover Journey.

The beginning inventory!

Woot woot!  I'm so excited!  The "doors" have opened for Turkey Bottom Haven (my online store) and I'm sooooo excited.  Have I mentioned that yet??

So what is Turkey Bottom Haven you may be asking yourself.  Think General Store.  Or consignment shop.  Here's the big idea.  I LURVESAUCE DECORATING.  It is a passion of mine.  I love it so much that I don't just look at Pinterest, I dream in Pinterest!  And because of that I have collected many, many, many items along the way.  You know, things that I'm going to do that will look amazing... if I ever get to it. 

Well, here's the thing.  Our TMM journey has given me the kick in the pants that I have needed to get it done.  Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately?) none of these wonderful things will be finding there way into our home.  They have found there way into the shop windows of Turkey Bottom Haven... my new Facebook shop.  The plan is to list as many items as possible to sell and see how it goes.  If there seems to be a good response, I'll get another kick in the pants and work on some more projects that are hanging around.  Eventually I may open an Etsy shop.

Here's the thing... I don't have a ton of inventory and my tastes will only appeal to people of similar (wonderful) tastes.  So, I've asked a few talented women to start collecting items that they would like to sell also.  My friend, Julayne, is an uber talented artist.  She plans on selling some of her paintings as well.  I have another friend, Beckie, who will be displaying embroidered dish towels, baby blankets and other items.  Then a few others who are on the fence ... you know that whole finding the time thing can really be a pain in the bum!  I'm also open to others who would like to join us on this endeavor!
So, if you haven't checked out Turkey Bottom Haven on Facebook, please do! And click that "like" button and "share" it with your friends.  It could help us towards our goal of ...

 

Baby Step #1 ... Our Total Money Makeover Journey

Are you tired of hearing about this yet?? Well, let's assume that I'm a little more excited in these first days then I will be as time wears on!  You know, if you would just read the book already, then you might share in my excitement and be able to start your own blog! ;)

Dave (yes, we're on a first name basis) outlines in his book 7 Baby Steps.  The first one is to have a $1,000 in an emergency fund.  I was telling a friend this the other day and she exclaimed, "THAT'S A BABY STEP??"  I completely understand.

So how do you get $1,000 in your emergency fund? Well, you can either bring in more income, save it by cutting out extras, or by selling things you already have.  Well, I mentioned that Ben and I are praying about one of us getting a part-time job... but in the meantime we are digging through our stuff and looking for things that we can sell.  Dave says that you should sell so much stuff that your kids start to wonder if they're next!  Now, there's a good idea!

Any idea what this is?  That's 3 20 dollar bills and 3 5 dollar bills.  20+20+20+5+5+5= Just the beginning.  We sold an old laptop that's been laying around collecting dust. It needed a new motherboard and we had already "had it fixed" twice.  So when I came across a guy on Facebook who said that he bought broken laptops I thought, we have one of those!  And I sold it.  And it felt great.  Now, maybe we could have gotten more for it and you're going to try to burst my bubble and say that you know a guy that would have given me twice that much.  Well, maybe so.  But, here's the thing.  We stopped talking about starting the TMM and we have begun our fund. 

Now, $75 isn't exactly a fortune.  But, it's preparing me for letting go of things that I really want to hold onto.  I want to get start pushing the snowball and not running from it!  So this is our first success and we will celebrate it!... and not by going to HuHots and wasting it!


Here's another look at our new beginning!!

And with a Sepia tone!  

Actually we're celebrating by watching the Financial Peace University DVDs that a friend lent to us for the long Labor Day weekend!  And you know how the rest of you are enjoying a 3 day weekend?  Well, Hotsauce worked today... yep, OVERTIME BABY! :) Normally I would be whining and crying and kicking and screaming because he had to work and I wanted him to be home with me.  But, now I realize it for the gift that it is... another blessing from God that is going to push that snowball! So that money will make it's way into the emergency fund too.  I can almost hear Davey (yes, he likes that nickname, but only when I say it) cheering us on! 

I'm also excited that some friends are asking about reading the TMM or asking if I know where they can the FPU class.  Well, let me say, I've got the wheels turning on that class thing...

Stay tuned for Part 4 coming soon!!

Call for Future Generations... Our Total Money Makeover Journey

Perhaps you've seen these faces before...


Benjamin, Hannah, Jack Henry, Emma, Gabriel

Or really their faces usually look a little bit more like this:

Oh, these Turkey Bottoms keep a mama on her feet I tell ya!  I could post far more "silly" pictures than I could ever come up with pictures of all five of them looking at the camera, smiling without cheesing, all eyes opened and no one crying.  You'd think it was torture?!    Speaking of torture (and trying to get back on subject) you know what I am really very fearful of?  I'm fearful that my bad habits will pass from me to these adorable Turkey Bottoms.  It's one of the reasons that I keep running even though I hate it... because when I come home from a run every.single.one.of.them will ask me how far I ran and if I ran fast.  I want them to be healthy and I feel it's important to model that for them... and if I end up looking like a model in the process then woot woot Mama! ;)

 

 

I belive that God has called us to run another race that will require more perseverence and more mental strength then a 5k or even a marathon will ever require of us.  It's the race to get out of debt.  It's the race to redeem the time and blaze a trail for our Turkeys that will teach them that God has a plan for all parts of our lives, including our checkbooks.  I also believe that the way a person chooses to spend (or not spend) their money reveals the state of their heart.  For instance, if I make a choice to go to McDonalds or even HuHots (how I love you) instead of paying off debt I have made a choice that reflects what's important in my heart...                                                                                                                      

 

 Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law. Romans 13:8

 

I want my children to know that God intends for us to be free of debt.  That we don't have to live a life of slavery to our debtors.  And even more than that we want to use money to bless others.  We want to be able to give to those in need, we want to support our church in ways that we can't with debt, we want to be prepared for emergencies, invested in our future and we want to have lots and lots and lots of fun and do things that we currently can't do! 

 

I'm sure we all know that statistically the number one thing that married couples fight over is money and finances.  It's also one of the major contributors to people getting a divorce.  And while divorce is NOT AN OPTION (Hotsauce is stuck with me and I with him) we have had a minor tiff once or twice about money. ;)  Actually this isn't something that we fight with each other over much, but there is stress because of it and there is definiately a weight that Hotsauce carries because of it.  Imagine a home free of financial stress?  Imagine a lighter Hotsauce! Whew-wee that would be a great environment to raise kiddos in!!  And so we strive in our Total Money Makeover not just for our own freedom, but to pass this legacy on to future generations of Turkey Bottoms.

Call for Freedom... Our Total Money Makeover Journey

Debt enslaves so many Americans from living the life God intends us to live... a life of Freedom! According to www.americandebtadvisor.com 80% of Americans carry debt with them.  Hotsauce and I have been burdened by debt for 10 years now and it.is.not.fun.

I honestly didn't know that you could go to college without getting a loan or having rich parents.  Hotsauce worked his way through college (thankfully we never had to worry about paying off his student loans, while mine never seem to go away).  And when I landed on the UNI campus I was offered a "free" UNI T-shirt if I would sign up for a "UNI" Mastercard!  I was the first sucker in line!  And so I began my debt path...

Hotsauce and his friend had a great money making idea when they found out that they were being deployed to Saudi Arabia ... they would buy a cheap home and fix it up.  While they were deployed the Army would pay the mortgage and they would save money for the repairs.  When they returned state side they would finish the house and sell it for more then they bought it for... it would be the perfect flip.  Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans!  And so Hotsauce began his debt path...

When two soulmates meet on the debt path it's always a recipe for success disaster!  I'm not even going to mention the timeshare that we were literally suckered into buying on our honeymoon... boy did they see us coming a mile away... and before I go further into details that would utterly embarass both of us, I will simply say that you can see where this story is going.  Now, factor in five kids and one income and you can see where we are living a life of slavery of our own making.  Oh, if I could go back and tell us as young people what we were getting ourselves into...

A few years ago, my good friend, Angie, went to Financial Peace University.  And she talked about it All.The.Time.  She used his envelope system and would constantly say things like, "Dave Ramsey would be proud."  Ugh!  It's hard to be drowning when your friend is succeeding.  Not that she was bragging or prideful, I just knew my own heart and my own situation and thought that we could never experience the freedom she found.

Other friends and family have either gone throw FPU or have done the Total Money Makeover and when finances came up they would mention that we needed to go to the class or read the book. Well, during a Driscoll family reunion (where it comes up every year) our debt slavery was discussed. Later Katie told Ben that she reads The Total Money Makeover every.single.year.  Ben jokes that while some people are reading through the Bible in a year, Katie's pouring over TMM!  Katie and Jes promised to mail the book to us when they returned home.  True to their promise it arrived about a week later.  Hotsauce was the first to crack it open and we decided that he would read at night while I read during the day when he was at work.  We may have fought over it at times when I didn't keep my end of the bargain and would read it when he was at home...

We have both completed the book and Ben has started to reread it... wonder if he's still making fun of Katie??  We finished our first budget that we have ever both agreed on in 10 years, 6 months, 1 week and 3 days, no exaggeration.  We are on the same page and we have the eye of the tiger!  I am hands down the most competitive person I know and I am looking forward to defeating this thing called debt!  I would also say that for the first time in 10 years, 6 months, 1 week and 3 days we have a real sense of hope.  We've had the desire for a long time to get out of debt, but we never had a plan and now that we do there is a call of freedom that rings deep in our souls.

My hope is to keep you posted as a form of my own accountability.  I know I will have no problem celebrating with all of you... hopefully I will be able to share struggles too.  Please ask us how it's going from time to time!  Below is a list of ways that you can pray for us if you choose to do so.

Prayers:
1. We put that house that Hotsauce and his friend bought (11 years ago) on the market yesterday.  This will be our 3rd time trying to sell it.  The realtor seemed very positive that we have it priced well and that we should be able to sell it this time! Please pray that we do sell it and for a fair price.  Pray that we will be patient.

2. We have offered to let Julayne move back in with us in October.  The situation will be mutually benefical financially, but will come with its challenges.  Please pray that as the 8 of us make adjustments that God will be glorified and that we will act in love.  Pray that each of us get the privacy that we need.

3. I have been planning on selling a few items that I have worked on for awhile... a small online shop called Turkey Bottom Haven.  Please pray that it will be well received and that it will be a benefit our family.

4. We are also praying about whether Hotsauce or I should get a part-time job to help get the snowball rolling a little faster.

Well, that's about it for now!  If you haven't read Dave Ramsey's book I would highly recommend it.  We hope to watch the Financial Peace University dvds soon!
 

On being the Pastor's Daughter in Law...

I married Hotsauce without really knowing how his father's profession would influence my life.  I would imagine that most people don't consider this when they are mulling over the characteristics of what they want in a spouse.  Unless of course their soon to be in-law is a celebrity, politician or mob boss that is...

So here I am 10 years into this marriage and find that once again being the pastor's daughter-in-law is effecting the number of text messages I am receiving.  This next statement is no surprise to anyone who knows Pastor Dan... while he is a passionate teacher of The Word and lover of his flock, he is organizationally challenged. 

He is also not a woman.

There I said it. He is NOT a woman. Whew, glad I got that off my chest.

So you see, as a not-woman, he does not think like a woman.  I believe Hotsauce got this attribute from his dad, as I'm sure it didn't come from his mama!  So when Pastor Not-Woman Dan plans an overnight retreat he thinks "No big deal."  While women of our congregation go mad crazy trying to figure out exactly what a communal meal is and how it translates on their grocery shopping lists, what to pack for bedding, if they will need to bring ear plugs to drown out the snoring of men that don't normally share a room with them and other such things... and so I find my phone blowing up with text messages at really odd times of the day.

I believe some people are afraid to ask PN-WD (Pastor Not-Woman Dan) because they think it's a silly question and why bother PN-WD with something so insignificant when he's probably preparing sermons, visiting drug addicts in jail and praying over the nearly dead.  But, he does have a wife, they could text her... but she's probably praying and fasting for her husband who's probably preparing sermons, visiting drug addicts in jail and praying over the nearly dead.  So, the next "best" option is the daughter-in-law, because they know Hotsauce will tell them to just go figure it out themselves.

Now, let me make this very clear.  I do not mind, not even a little bit.  It may even go to my head sometimes... I may catch myself thinking that everyone must really care about what I'm feeding my family and the number of sleeping bags I'm packing!  Then, of course, reality hits me square in the face and I am reminded that I'm the Pastor's nearest living relative that isn't praying, fasting, or visiting the addicted and dying... who may have already asked PN-WD the very same questions that I'm being asked.  So, wait, you don't care that we will be having 3 solid meals of hot dogs??  Weird.

I also like to think that my very unique position keeps many a lady out of the communion wine.  Just playing my part in keeping the Kingdom pure. ;)


 

10 x Random = Cheese.

This may be one of my most random posts ever and who knows if I'll ever "publish it"... but here are some random thoughts that I've had recently...

1. I still want my nose pierced.  This is not something Ben will get behind.

2. "Get behind" is something that Michael said about a million times on our vacation... which can only mean that my mom will start using it soon and Michael will rue the day he ever repeated this phrase.  I think that's a glorious revenge. ;)

3. Hotsauce recently lied to our children and told them that nobody in our house works harder than I do.  This was after Benjamin told my sister that I sit on the computer all day and watch TV while the rest of the Turkey Bottoms do all the chores.  I was crying while cleaning a jar of exploded jam out of the pantry (which starts to mold if it happens while you're on vacation at the time) and muttering about how no one appreciates what I do.  I think he panicked and just wanted me to stop crying! ;)  It may have also been a very special time of the month and I may or may not have been overly tired... I also may not have corrected Hotsauce's obvious lie.

4. While at the water park at Adventureland I saw lots of girls wearing bikinis with these wrap around tattoos and I thought they looked amazing... Well, except that I couldn't actually read anything that they said... and that I'm whole heartedly against bikinis (it's a modesty issue) ... and once they have 5 kids it's not going to look nearly as hot.  Yes, I'm sure they all plan on having 5 kids.  Doesn't everyone?

5.  I have been growing my hair out for some time and in this heat I really, really, really want to cut it.  I found my "perfect" hair style on Pinterest and was working up the courage to talk to Hotsauce about it... because it involves cutting, perming and coloring my hair... and after I said I want to get my hair cut he went on a 5 minute monologue about how much he loves my hair and how beautiful it is to the point that  I think he was tearing up (ok, that never happened) and I melted.  I mean, if he loves it that much who am I to disagree?  Here's a little peek at what I had on my mind...

Photo credit here!

But since he was poetically begging  creatively reassuring me of my beauty I could not dash his hopes... yet.  Because if things don't cool down soon I will be standing at the mirror with scissors in hand and it will not be pretty.

6.  My sister, Krista, was telling me that she bought the book 50 Shades of Grey for her Nook.   My Facebook feed tells me that this is a summer hit among many of my girl friends, but I really had no idea what the book is about.  So imagine this innocent Christian lady's reaction when Sis starts off by saying that the main character is a "Submissive" and that the whole idea sickened her and she had to quit reading the book.  Mean while in my mind a woman who is submissive is one who submits to her husband and I was gearing up to defend my position that this is a God given role and defend the cause of the main character! Ha!  After a brief description of the book I am convinced that 50 Shades of Grey is not based on biblical principles! 

7. After reading Jon Acuff's blog today I was amazed to see another reference to 50 Shades of Grey.  I always love to stalk the comments and read the ongoing debates on hot button topics.  One that was particularly funny, in an ironic kind of way, was one man who said something to the effect that he hates it when Christians judge something as evil without ever experiencing it... in this case declaring the book evil, without reading it, is another example of the judgmental Christian agenda.  Really?  You can only declare something evil if you've experienced it yourself?  Hmmmm.  Like murder?  Or child molestation?  Or hundreds of other examples that come to mind.  Don't be deceived the book is called "Mommy porn" for a reason.

8. On a lighter note, I refinished a table today.  Sanded it, stained it and currently waiting for the poly to dry.  Just one thing on a long list of things to get done before Hotsauce's family gets here in a few weeks!  I would like come up with "Sauce" names for his brother and 2 sisters as well!  This also reminds me that I'm supposed to be designing reunion shirts!  Whoops.  

9.  I drove over an hour today to buy old rusty lockers.  In a cruel twist of fate I was able to see them laying in the Pickin' Shed's driveway, but the owners weren't there and I left empty handed.  Are.you.kidding.me??  So sad.  Here they are in all their glory... well, actually they'd be far more glorious in my house!!

Be still my beating heart!  Find the Pickin' Shed on Facebook here.

I know.  I know! I.know!!!  You are inwardly weeping with me!  Ok, so maybe not so much, but please tell me these wouldn't be wonderful in my house! You can't do it, can you?  The patina, the rust, the extra storage for a homeschooling mama!!

10. And finally the cheese.  Once again I forgot the cheese!  I had in mind to buy some "Ghost Cheese" for my Dad for Father's Day.  I went to the Fairbank Locker only to be told that they are constantly selling out of it.  Really?  You're selling out of cheese?  It's hot, like Ryan Gosling cheering on my homeschooling efforts... I have no idea where that came from, because frankly he's not that hot.  Not Hotsauce hot for sho! Um, what?  Ok, so it's a bit spicy... the cheese that is... Like make grown men cry hot.  And I know that Dad will love it if I ever get my hands on it!

Just in case you have no idea what I'm talking about with Ryan Gosling... which might not even be his name... because my pop culture stinks... I will dig up a final tidbit...

See, Ryan Gosling gets it!  He was home schooled! ;)

What are you running from?

I am still not a runner.  I may run, but running is not in my heart.  It is not out of love for running that I run, but something very different.

Recently I ran passed a house not far from our own, and a man who always appears to be drunk, started hollering at me, "Are you okay?"

I was having an off day.  I never found my breathing rhythm (at least that's what Hotsauce calls it) and I was struggling to breathe let alone talk, so I respond, "Yes."  More out of fear that he would call 911 thinking I was being pursued by an attacker, then to bring any kind of peace of mind to him.

"So, what are you doing??"
"Running."  I don't stop, because I'm a little paranoid and because I was just a few blocks from home and the sweet freedom of being able to stop running!!
"Well, duh. What are you running from?"

I kept running and never responded.  Well, at least not aloud.  What am I running from?

Such a heavy question isn't it?  I mean if you asked me as I laced up my shoes what I was going to run from I would look at you like you were ca-razy.  But, I've played that question over and over in my head and deep down I know exactly what I'm running from.

Let me take you to a day in middle school that will forever burn in the deep place of hurt in my heart.  Middle school had already proven itself to be that horribly awkward time where hormones are doing a number on everyone and on top of that it's a time of jockeying for popularity.  I'm not sure that I've ever met a Jr. Higher that really had a deep rooted self-confidence and like most I was completely unsure of who I was or if I held any value to anyone... and then it happened.  It started off like normal days.  I walked to school and dropped my backpack off in my locker.  Because my last name started with an "A" my locker was the very first one in the long line of 7th (or perhaps 6th?) grade lockers.  Thus, my locker was right next to the gym door.  Where someone was watching out for my arrival.  This person then reported to others that I arrived.  I remember hearing the shuffling of bodies on the bleachers which were right by the door close to my locker, but thinking nothing of it I entered the gym expecting to find my friends awaiting my arrival.  Instead, a large group of my classmates, started chanting, "Albino, albino, albino..." Over and over again until I ran out of the gym embarrassed and brokenhearted.  I'm not sure what I did the rest of the day.  I don't know if I acted like all was well or what... but I forever knew that I was ugly and had suffered a great public humiliation because of it.

Years later I started dating a boy who I thought could possibly be my future husband.  He was athletic and the first Christian boy I ever dated.  The simple fact that he was a Christian made him so different from any boy that I had ever liked, and in hindsight it is easy for me to see why I fell so hard so fast... oh, how I loved him.  But, of course being 16 I didn't have the first clue what love was and so when he told me that he loved me as well, I believed he meant he would love me forever.  I remember in vivid detail the day he broke up with me and how crushed I was.  There were other boys, but none like him.  He also started dating other girls and my heart broke every time I saw him holding the hand of another girl. Soon a pattern began where he would date a girl and then I would start to get over him and he would break up with the girl and we would "hang out" for awhile and I would convince my heart that this time it was forever.  Finally one night when I confronted him about the pattern he told me, "I've never loved you.  I always just said that I did because you said that you loved me and I felt like you expected me to say it back."  Again my world shattered and I figured that if only I was prettier, or funnier, or more lovable or not so albino, or somehow just better that he would've fallen in love with me too.

I'd like to say that since I'm not in middle school or even college that I have grown up and came to realize that kids are kids and sometimes they do incredibly cruel things, but it doesn't mean that I'm forever ugly or completely unlovable... but the truth is that I still believe those things.  I believe that most women have similar hurts and believe the same lies that I believe.  As their friend or even as a stranger I would tell them that God doesn't make mistakes and that they are wonderfully and fearfully made.  Dear Sisters, you are beautiful the way that you are... oh, if only I believed it for myself.

So, what am I running from?  I'm running from the hurts of my past.  The worse of which you'll never find in a blog... but I'm running so that I might be prettier and more lovable.  Silly isn't it? Perhaps.

But, in running from the past I find myself running farther and longer then I ever thought I could.  I hate almost every step, but I'm doing it.  I run through the pain of the past as I run through the pain of being out of shape.  Every time that I do something that I didn't think that I could, I start to believe something new about myself.  I am stronger than I think.  I am capable of more than I realized.  My thoughts about my body are generally untrue.  I don't have to stop, I'm not really going to puke, I can catch my breath.  Then the other day as I was running I said to myself, "My body is really an amazing thing."  It only fails when my mind lies to it... and I chose to let my mind win.

I have pale skin with freckles.  My face is almost always red.  I was not the woman God intended for the boy I once thought I loved.  But, he isn't the man God intended for me either.  I'm not as curvy as I would like to be... except in the places where I wish I was flatter.  But, oddly as I run from the past I realize that am more then what my mind tells me that I am.  I believe that someday soon I will stop running from the past and starting running towards something great.  And on that day the run will be far more enjoyable then even I can imagine.