I was 16 years old when I discovered that I was in need of forgiveness of a supernatural variety. After years of chasing after popularity and destructive things of this world I knew that there was nothing good within me.
I was selfish.
I was mean.
And within the depths of my soul I knew that I was on a path that was going to lead to death.
On more than one occasion I considered taking my own life.
Had I not been so scared I believe I would have...
Yet, this blog is not about the darkest days of my life. Instead it's about how a mighty God walked into my life and changed everything.
He started in my heart. He showed me something that was bigger than myself.
He showed me a love that laid down its own life for others. He not only saved my life, but He gave my life purpose.
It is the prayer of my heart that my children will never choose the path that leads to destruction. I pray that they will make it their life's purpose to share the good news of Christ with others.
So on Wednesday night when Hannah came in very concerned about how to minister to her friend "M" I thought for sure my heart would surely burst...
Hannah: "How do we minister?"
Me: "Um, well, that depends? Can you tell me what you're thinking about?"
Hannah: "I asked M today if she knows Jesus and she said that she didn't. So, I got out that devotional that Grandma Cyndee gave me for Christmas and we read all the devotions and verses on "Who God is"."
We spent the next hour talking about the importance of praying for the salvation of our friends and family. We discussed how loving others the way that Jesus loves them and living a life that points others to Christ is a great tool to get people to ask more questions about our faith. We talked about what it means to give a reason for the hope that is within us and so many other things.
While discussing reasons for the hope that is within us, Benjamin and Emma walked in and Benjamin said this...
"Mommy, I know the reason for the hope that is within me! I have hope because I know I'm going to heaven. It's like this man at church was telling his kids, 'Heaven is the most fun place ever. There's no more crying there and we get to be with Jesus forever!' and when I heard him telling his kids that I thought, 'I'm going there someday and I can't think of anything better."
I have to tell you that it took everything in me not to start bawling. I've found that my tears of joy almost always makes my boys think that they've said something wrong, but you can bet your bottom that as soon as I tucked everyone into bed there were tears.
And so the next day as soon as school let out there were 11 kids in my yard and the majority of them gathered on the front porch... for what soon became a church service. As Hannah, Emma and their friend, HR, began telling the neighbor kids that Jesus died on the cross for their sins and rose from the dead three days later. They had their Bibles and devotionals out and soon Hannah came in a little perplexed.
"Mommy where's a dictionary?"
Me: "Why, what word do you need to look up?"
Hannah: "Evolution."
Me: "Why?"
Hannah:"We're reading something and it talks about it and we don't know what it is!"
The girls graciously allowed me to come out and discuss and answer any questions they had about evolution and creation... which lead to Hannah, Emma, and HR sharing the gospel with M. Soon, Benjamin, Gabe, Jack and another neighbor boy "I" coming up, each with their own questions and desire to help M understand that Jesus loves her.
Before long Benjamin suggests that we pray together and so the nine of us gathered in a circle and each of the children (with the exception of Jack and M) prayed ... most of them prayed that M would one day be in heaven with them.
And again it took everything within me not to weep.
I do not know what the future holds for my children. But, I am learning everyday what having faith like a child looks like and I am so incredibly blessed to be their Mama.
I was selfish.
I was mean.
And within the depths of my soul I knew that I was on a path that was going to lead to death.
On more than one occasion I considered taking my own life.
Had I not been so scared I believe I would have...
Yet, this blog is not about the darkest days of my life. Instead it's about how a mighty God walked into my life and changed everything.
He started in my heart. He showed me something that was bigger than myself.
He showed me a love that laid down its own life for others. He not only saved my life, but He gave my life purpose.
It is the prayer of my heart that my children will never choose the path that leads to destruction. I pray that they will make it their life's purpose to share the good news of Christ with others.
So on Wednesday night when Hannah came in very concerned about how to minister to her friend "M" I thought for sure my heart would surely burst...
Hannah: "How do we minister?"
Me: "Um, well, that depends? Can you tell me what you're thinking about?"
Hannah: "I asked M today if she knows Jesus and she said that she didn't. So, I got out that devotional that Grandma Cyndee gave me for Christmas and we read all the devotions and verses on "Who God is"."
We spent the next hour talking about the importance of praying for the salvation of our friends and family. We discussed how loving others the way that Jesus loves them and living a life that points others to Christ is a great tool to get people to ask more questions about our faith. We talked about what it means to give a reason for the hope that is within us and so many other things.
While discussing reasons for the hope that is within us, Benjamin and Emma walked in and Benjamin said this...
"Mommy, I know the reason for the hope that is within me! I have hope because I know I'm going to heaven. It's like this man at church was telling his kids, 'Heaven is the most fun place ever. There's no more crying there and we get to be with Jesus forever!' and when I heard him telling his kids that I thought, 'I'm going there someday and I can't think of anything better."
I have to tell you that it took everything in me not to start bawling. I've found that my tears of joy almost always makes my boys think that they've said something wrong, but you can bet your bottom that as soon as I tucked everyone into bed there were tears.
And so the next day as soon as school let out there were 11 kids in my yard and the majority of them gathered on the front porch... for what soon became a church service. As Hannah, Emma and their friend, HR, began telling the neighbor kids that Jesus died on the cross for their sins and rose from the dead three days later. They had their Bibles and devotionals out and soon Hannah came in a little perplexed.
"Mommy where's a dictionary?"
Me: "Why, what word do you need to look up?"
Hannah: "Evolution."
Me: "Why?"
Hannah:"We're reading something and it talks about it and we don't know what it is!"
The girls graciously allowed me to come out and discuss and answer any questions they had about evolution and creation... which lead to Hannah, Emma, and HR sharing the gospel with M. Soon, Benjamin, Gabe, Jack and another neighbor boy "I" coming up, each with their own questions and desire to help M understand that Jesus loves her.
Before long Benjamin suggests that we pray together and so the nine of us gathered in a circle and each of the children (with the exception of Jack and M) prayed ... most of them prayed that M would one day be in heaven with them.
And again it took everything within me not to weep.
I do not know what the future holds for my children. But, I am learning everyday what having faith like a child looks like and I am so incredibly blessed to be their Mama.
