"No. Not drugs, good parenting."

Recently, while at an expo, Ben and I took our kiddos to set up.  I was under the weather, but Ben was willing to stay for me as long as I would set up the display.  Our kids were instructed to stand against the wall and wait quietly for us.  That's exactly what they did... though Jack would wander away a bit.  When he did wander one of the older Turkey Bottoms would take his hand and quietly lead him back to his allotted place.
It was one of those moments where you look up and you see your kids, really see them, and think... man, they're wonderful.
We had lots of compliments... some people said that their kids would never stand there for as long as they did.  Others simply said, "Your kids are so well behaved."  After a few compliments I started telling people that we drugged them... Ben heard me and he chuckled... then later he used that line himself.  But, the lady he told responded, "No. Not drugs, good parenting."
It's not the first time we've received this kind of compliment... and so I've decided to write a blog with all of my parenting secrets.  I'm not saying that we're the perfect parents -- um, so far from it -- but this is what we've learned so far on our journey with five kiddos.
First and foremost, we are a Christian- Bible believing set of parents.  That means that everything that we do (and don't do) is because based on biblical principles.  We believe in training a child in the way he should go so that he will not depart from it later on in life when he/she is out of our home.  And get ready for this unpopular statement... we don't spare the rod either.  But, there is more to parenting then using a rod.

For those of you who don't know us or get to experience our family on a day to day basis here's what you don't always see... We're an incredibly fun family!!  We have 5 kids because we enjoy them!  They crack us up with the things that their little heads come up with... if you need some evidence you should read my Facebook statuses from time to time!  They are incredibly smart also!  In a large family you may not always get the attention that you want when you want it - or need it.  So we have always encouraged the kiddos to be problem solvers.  Think of way that you can accomplish what you need if Mommy is elbow deep in dirty diapers or feeding a baby or a hundred other random things that come up in a day at Turkey Bottom Haven.

At a very young age everyone in our family is given duties.  Currently our three oldest turkeys pick up the table after every meal.  One will wash the table, one will sweep, one will help take dishes out of the dishwasher, they put the chairs back to the table, rinse dishes, etc. etc. They also fold laundry and dust.  The girls  run the vacuum (and at times fight over who gets to run the vacuum).  They clean their own rooms and make their own beds... even Gabe makes his own bed.  Gabe cleans his room, throws dirty diapers away, carries things to the laundry room as needed and helps with general picking up around the house.  While some may think that it is laziness on our part to have our children have so many duties we strongly believe that it instills in them a strong work ethic.  They will never be spoiled or entitled... at least as far as it is up to us they won't be.  I really believe that this is good parenting.

Each one of our children also know the rules.  The most repeated phrase in our house is, "Listen and obey right away!"  Obedience is something that all parents need to demand from their children.  Obedience doesn't squish their ability to be creative or whatever mumbo-jumbo you'll hear new-agers saying.  Instead obedience saves lives and keeps people out of prison.  We are not here to raise children.  That bears repeating.  We are not here to raise children.  If your end goal is a 30 year old child you have missed the mark.  We parent with the intent to equip our children to become God-fearing adults who will live to impact their world for Jesus... we do not raise children to one day populate prisons and harm those around them.  I am not being over-the-top here.  Disobedient children become disobedient adults and their parents play a major role in that.  So I say again, each one of our children know the rules.  They must know the rules so the rules must stay the same.  I see so many parents who think it's funny one day when their child picks up an inappropriate word at home and repeats it ... and then they get to church or out in public and all of the sudden it's not so funny and the child gets the beating of a lifetime.  How is that right?  Here's a better rule... if their behavior would bring shame in public it brings shame in the home... and should be punished.

Punishment is not fun for anyone.  Good willed parents do not like "bringing the thunder" with the rod.  I don't like it when my children hurt.  I especially cringe when I know they're going to get in trouble with Daddy.  But, this brings me to my next two points.  Mom and Dad you must win.  Ben's dad told me this early on in our parenting and it's true.  There are battles to be won in parenting.  You will get tired.  You will get discouraged.  You will get off track.  You will think that you will never get that child to listen and obey right away... but the only way that is true is if you give up.  Once you give up, you lose the battle and Satan wins a victory in the life of your child.   My adorable little Emma is a perfect example of this... I remember days when it seemed like all I did was spank her.  She would going into screaming fits of rage.  She would bring an attitude never seen before and she would place herself in open rebellion and disobedience.  I would cry as I put her over my lap.  But, I also would pray and pray and pray.  I prayed that God would first bring her under His authority and then under her parents authority.  I prayed that God might help me to break her of her disobedience, but not break her spirit.  I knew that her strong will and desire to stay the course will one day be her greatest character traits... so long as it was placed in the right direction.  Today she is growing in the wonderful answer to that prayer.  I cannot remember the last time I spanked her ... and that's great for all of us!  Once you've determined that you will be a battle-winner you must also determine that you will be consistent.  Every time a rule is broken you will bring correction to your child.  While I've repeatedly mentioned spanking as a form of correction we do use other forms of punishment such as going to bed, not getting snacks, taking away toys that they love... Yelling is not a form of correction.  I'm not saying that we don't ever yell, because (perhaps to our own shame) we do yell.  But, yelling at a child accomplishes nothing.  Kids are smart.  So if your rule is no snacks without asking and they gobble up a box of Oreos without asking and you yell at them in return... so what??  They got to eat the Oreos and no real punishment was given and at the next opportunity they will gobble up another box of Oreos and another and another.  And now YOU have taught them that disobeying you is okay.  This may not seem like a big deal now, but one day that child may outgrow you and you've taught them that disobeying you is okay and the older and bigger they get the harder it will be for you to train them in the way they should go.

So I'm not revealing all of our parenting secrets today... but would love to hear what you've found works for your family!  I think down the road I'll also write a blog about our epic parenting fails... but that might have to wait until they're all 18 and on their own as the proof is in the pudding! :)