5 Years Ago Today...

Just one year and 9 days after delivering Emma Elizabeth Driscoll we were back in the hospital getting ready for a scheduled c-section.  It was a hard pregnancy for me mentally.  Emma was only around 4 months old when I found out I was pregnant AGAIN!  I was supposed to be pregnancy free in 2005, but God obviously had very different plans for us.  Towards the end of the pregnancy I began to enjoy the idea of having another baby.  We were going to have our first son!
I arrived at the hospital around 5 am... which meant that I was up by 4 am getting ready to go to the hospital.  I had to shower before I got there and wash with special pre-surgical soap.  I wasn't scheduled to go into surgery until 7, but the nurses had to prep me before I went in for surgery.  Let me tell you, those few hours of prep for surgery are some of the most uncomfortable and embarrassing moments... actually that's all I'm going to tell you.
Going into surgery is always a little nerve-wracking for me.  I am nervous, excited, half-naked and cold... very, very, very cold.  For some reason in the operating room I always want to cry... long before they even set me on that freezing cold table.  Perhaps its the knowledge that life is going to change.  It's going to be harder, better, more full and for a few days painful.
When they put the spinal in I would always look through a window to watch Ben, watch me.  He wears his brave face... but even in his strength there is no mistaking that he is scared and hurts for me.  It's this moment when everything changes for him.  He's about to have another baby and his wife is about to have another c-section.  Life gets pretty real for him in those moments as I begin to get even colder.  They paint my back with that copper colored ice cold solution that inevitably runs into the crack of my bum which causes all sorts of sensations that no one really wants to hear about... and then as though playing some sort of evil joke it stains my backside for weeks and I'm utterly incapable of washing it.
Now comes a stressful part for me.  It's the "Can you feel that?" quiz.  You see at this point I'm literally strapped down to the table with a blue screen in front of my face so that I can't see them cutting into me (whew)... but then comes the pin that they poke you with and ask, "Can you feel that?"
Barry is in charge of the anesthesia at this particular hospital and he wears bright colored scrubs... he always assures me that there's no wrong answer, but somehow I feel like he might try to trick me.  "Can you feel that?" he asks.  I can't.  But, what if he's not even really touching me?  I mean it's possible right?  Ben will look at me sometimes and nod in away that assures me that he really did touch me... he knows that I'm paranoid.

So as the surgery starts my worse fears are realized.  I can feel them cutting into me.  Not the usual tug that you feel... not the "It might feel like you're getting skin taught in a zipper" feeling (that I never had)... this was them cutting me open and me feeling it.  It was dulled, but horrific all the same.  I begin to cry.  I wonder if I'm imagining this because this doesn't really happen.  I started to talk, but can't.  Somehow I feel like screaming or crying out will only intensify it... or make it more real.  I turn my head to look at Ben and will him with my eyes to look at me.  He finally does and his face twists in horror.  "What's wrong?  Are you ok?"  I barely whisper, "I can feel it."

My hero gasps and looks at Barry, "She can feel it.  She can feel them cutting."  The next few minutes are a blur.  I'm getting nauseous.  I just want them to put me out.  I know that I should want to see my son's face the instant that he is set free from my womb... but I'm going to die if I have to feel anything a second longer.  I vomit.  I feel them pulling Benjamin out.  I look at him long enough to see his face and then close my eyes in a sweet surrender.  Not long after (at least in my world) I awaken in the recovery room feeling very tired and sick... and anxious to see the boy who's entrance into this world I know I will never, ever, ever forget.

He still has the large forehead...

Seeing him and all of the fear that I had about having another baby faded... as did the botched c-section pain (at least for awhile).  My sweet baby boy had arrived and he stole my heart.

Today we celebrate his 5th birthday and it was a fun day.

He came into my room this morning and I wished him a Happy Birthday right away.  He replied, "Happy Birthday your face!"  I should have never laughed because he's told everyone that who's wished him a Happy Birthday since then... including Grandma Cyndee.

We did tell him that he was getting a Barbie for his birthday since he wanted everything else that Emma got for her birthday... Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwhiches for lunch and Mac & Cheese with hot dogs for supper.

Look at that face!  Trying so hard to pretend like he's glad that he got the same Barbie pool that Emma got!  Loved it!  Fortunately for him it wasn't his real gift!  By the way, he's wearing a Spiderman robe that the Kapler's gave him earlier in the day for a birthday gift.

His real gift was a set of 2 pound weights.  He's been asking for them for awhile now.  He's under the impression that he needs to work out to get skinny!  We try to convince him that the word he's looking for is strong... but he's not buying into it!  Love Gabe's face in this picture!
We're still waiting to have cake since it's Weds. night and the older kiddos had to go to Awana.  He wanted a Super hero cake... which he told me after I bought a cake... so this was our spontaneous super hero cake!

This last face reminds me of Popeye!

Oh, the other thing that Benjamin asked for, for his birthday was a mo-hawk.  Which turned out incredibly crooked... but that's ok he loved it and Daddy says that the mo-hawk might need to be gone by Christmas!

 And I'll just finish with some random pictures from the day...

Told you... random.