Unspeakable.

Today, January 13, 2014 we had our first of 3 home-studies.
It has been a long week and a half trying to prepare for this day.  We truly felt like we were going into it pretty blind.  We knew that our case worker would be looking for certain things, but much of our house is under construction and we were very anxious that would disqualify us from continuing on this foster/adoption journey.
We were also very concerned with being confronted with how we discipline our biological children.  Not concerned that our case worker wouldn't agree with our methods, but concerned that it would hinder us from going further in this process.

So far it looks like our worries were just that... fear.

Getting over the hump of our first home-study and actually having a good time with our case worker it is with confidence that I say that God is for us...
 

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?  Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies.  Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 

-Romans 8:31-34

With that being said I will share a little of my heart to prepare the hearts of the ones that we love.  

I admit that pre-class I had a vision of children coming into our home in the same way our newborns came in, with much joy and celebration.  The children would know that they are safe, that they are loved and they can trust us.  It may take a little doing, but eventually our new children would come to know us as their only parents.  

This simply isn't true.  

Our children will come into our home because at their young age they have experienced something(s) so unspeakable and horrible that their parents will have had their rights terminated by a court of law.  And I already count myself as their [real] mom.  Without knowing their voices, without knowing their favorite food, without knowing if they will share the same blue eyes that my other children have, one thing I know with absolute assurance... someone is hurting them.

Someone who should be protecting my babies is hurting them.  A pain that will likely stay with them the rest of their lives.  

But, here is something that I would beg of all of you.  Don't ask about the pain.  At least don't ask what happened to them.  Don't ask us what their parents did or didn't do.  It's natural for you to be curious.  It would almost be weird if you didn't wonder.  But, their pain is part of their story.  We will be honest with our children about their past and they will know that it's their story to tell.  Perhaps in the telling they will heal.  Perhaps in their silence they will be protected.  Whatever the case please just know that the pain is there, it's real and it's theirs.

In the meantime, please pray for God's grace.  That He might do a work in their tiny hearts so that they will be able to attach to us and build healthy relationships in which to heal.  And pray that they might find hope in Jesus.