Just last week I attended the sentencing of Jeremiah Mumford and William Clayton with Ben. I hadn't slept well the two nights prior and was up very early in the morning. I don't think that my lack of sleep had anything to do with nerves, fear or other emotions dealing with the case, I just wasn't sleeping well.
When I don't sleep I get emotional very easily. No sleep = loads of tears.
My takeaway from that sentencing was that neither Mumford nor Clayton seemed very remorseful. Actually Mumford appeared uncaring and confrontational at times. But, even in the midst of that hearing I very much felt the prayers of friends and family and had a great peace in the recesses of my soul.
Last night we experienced thunderstorm upon thunderstorm and again I was up. Around 4 am it was obvious that the creek in our backyard was raising quickly and I was positive that our upstairs hallway was leaking. On top of that my business is located in our garage and any flooding that would reach the garage had to potential to wipe out the business. I tossed and turned all night trying to come up with ways to pay for a new roof.
We finally got out of bed this morning a little before 6:30 am to water in the basement and did a quick shuffling of items held down there and prepared the sump pump... while trying not to step in the crap filled water.
Ben's dad always says that if you eat a toad first thing in the morning your day has to get better... I think we were eating toads right away this morning!
I was exhausted as I climbed into my shower and almost decided on going back to bed instead of heading to a second hearing/sentencing for Mumford and Clayton in Fayette County.
I'm glad I didn't.
I had been praying that at this hearing that both men, but specifically Mumford, would have the courage to talk. To say anything. To not be a coward. I'm not sure why it meant so much to me, but I knew that there are a lot of victims in this case and they deserve to hear something. Hear them say that they're sorry. Hear them say that they did a stupid dangerous thing. Hear them say anything, even if they said that they weren't sorry, had no remorse or would do it again if they had the chance. I just wanted to hear something that would reveal their hearts.
Jeremiah Mumford spoke.
He rambled for 3 minutes. Though he never said he was sorry (that I remember) he did say that if he had to do it over again he wouldn't. He did say that he regretted his actions and that he was remorseful. He also said that he didn't know if it was possible for the victims to forgive him, but he hoped that they could.
And that's when the tears began to fall.
For sometime I have been an emotional wreck. I cry for what seems to be no reason. No one seems to understand what I'm feeling and very few people have asked how we're doing. The shooting happened almost 8 months ago... and there has been this horrible, nagging, emptiness and loneliness that has been coursing through me. I get angry about all sorts of things dealing with the shooting and how things have been dealt with since the shooting.
I was telling my sister this past weekend that whatever this feeling is was something that I couldn't put into words because I wasn't sure I knew what it was. I knew that it sucked and that it was wearing me out. It was also causing problems in our marriage. I could not understand why Ben couldn't understand what I was feeling. Which is ironic to say the least since I couldn't identify what I was feeling!
I know what it was now. It was an unforgiving heart. I didn't want to forgive them and quite honestly I was pretty ticked that Ben forgave them.
I will never truly know if Jeremiah Mumford meant a word of what he said in court today. He may have been lying through his teeth and laughing at the rest of us for falling for it.
But, that's on him.
I have chosen to forgive. And I will live in forgiveness because that's the only way that they lose power over me. It's also the only way that God can heal my heart and my fears.
I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. - Ecclesiastes 3:-10-11.
I have no doubt that God has seen the burden that we have carried and that he is making us beautiful in His on time. We cannot fathom the good that will be brought about by this season of trials.
When I don't sleep I get emotional very easily. No sleep = loads of tears.
My takeaway from that sentencing was that neither Mumford nor Clayton seemed very remorseful. Actually Mumford appeared uncaring and confrontational at times. But, even in the midst of that hearing I very much felt the prayers of friends and family and had a great peace in the recesses of my soul.
Last night we experienced thunderstorm upon thunderstorm and again I was up. Around 4 am it was obvious that the creek in our backyard was raising quickly and I was positive that our upstairs hallway was leaking. On top of that my business is located in our garage and any flooding that would reach the garage had to potential to wipe out the business. I tossed and turned all night trying to come up with ways to pay for a new roof.
We finally got out of bed this morning a little before 6:30 am to water in the basement and did a quick shuffling of items held down there and prepared the sump pump... while trying not to step in the crap filled water.
Ben's dad always says that if you eat a toad first thing in the morning your day has to get better... I think we were eating toads right away this morning!
I was exhausted as I climbed into my shower and almost decided on going back to bed instead of heading to a second hearing/sentencing for Mumford and Clayton in Fayette County.
I'm glad I didn't.
I had been praying that at this hearing that both men, but specifically Mumford, would have the courage to talk. To say anything. To not be a coward. I'm not sure why it meant so much to me, but I knew that there are a lot of victims in this case and they deserve to hear something. Hear them say that they're sorry. Hear them say that they did a stupid dangerous thing. Hear them say anything, even if they said that they weren't sorry, had no remorse or would do it again if they had the chance. I just wanted to hear something that would reveal their hearts.
Jeremiah Mumford spoke.
He rambled for 3 minutes. Though he never said he was sorry (that I remember) he did say that if he had to do it over again he wouldn't. He did say that he regretted his actions and that he was remorseful. He also said that he didn't know if it was possible for the victims to forgive him, but he hoped that they could.
And that's when the tears began to fall.
For sometime I have been an emotional wreck. I cry for what seems to be no reason. No one seems to understand what I'm feeling and very few people have asked how we're doing. The shooting happened almost 8 months ago... and there has been this horrible, nagging, emptiness and loneliness that has been coursing through me. I get angry about all sorts of things dealing with the shooting and how things have been dealt with since the shooting.
I was telling my sister this past weekend that whatever this feeling is was something that I couldn't put into words because I wasn't sure I knew what it was. I knew that it sucked and that it was wearing me out. It was also causing problems in our marriage. I could not understand why Ben couldn't understand what I was feeling. Which is ironic to say the least since I couldn't identify what I was feeling!
I know what it was now. It was an unforgiving heart. I didn't want to forgive them and quite honestly I was pretty ticked that Ben forgave them.
I will never truly know if Jeremiah Mumford meant a word of what he said in court today. He may have been lying through his teeth and laughing at the rest of us for falling for it.
But, that's on him.
I have chosen to forgive. And I will live in forgiveness because that's the only way that they lose power over me. It's also the only way that God can heal my heart and my fears.
I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. - Ecclesiastes 3:-10-11.
I have no doubt that God has seen the burden that we have carried and that he is making us beautiful in His on time. We cannot fathom the good that will be brought about by this season of trials.
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