On being the Pastor's Daughter in Law...

I married Hotsauce without really knowing how his father's profession would influence my life.  I would imagine that most people don't consider this when they are mulling over the characteristics of what they want in a spouse.  Unless of course their soon to be in-law is a celebrity, politician or mob boss that is...

So here I am 10 years into this marriage and find that once again being the pastor's daughter-in-law is effecting the number of text messages I am receiving.  This next statement is no surprise to anyone who knows Pastor Dan... while he is a passionate teacher of The Word and lover of his flock, he is organizationally challenged. 

He is also not a woman.

There I said it. He is NOT a woman. Whew, glad I got that off my chest.

So you see, as a not-woman, he does not think like a woman.  I believe Hotsauce got this attribute from his dad, as I'm sure it didn't come from his mama!  So when Pastor Not-Woman Dan plans an overnight retreat he thinks "No big deal."  While women of our congregation go mad crazy trying to figure out exactly what a communal meal is and how it translates on their grocery shopping lists, what to pack for bedding, if they will need to bring ear plugs to drown out the snoring of men that don't normally share a room with them and other such things... and so I find my phone blowing up with text messages at really odd times of the day.

I believe some people are afraid to ask PN-WD (Pastor Not-Woman Dan) because they think it's a silly question and why bother PN-WD with something so insignificant when he's probably preparing sermons, visiting drug addicts in jail and praying over the nearly dead.  But, he does have a wife, they could text her... but she's probably praying and fasting for her husband who's probably preparing sermons, visiting drug addicts in jail and praying over the nearly dead.  So, the next "best" option is the daughter-in-law, because they know Hotsauce will tell them to just go figure it out themselves.

Now, let me make this very clear.  I do not mind, not even a little bit.  It may even go to my head sometimes... I may catch myself thinking that everyone must really care about what I'm feeding my family and the number of sleeping bags I'm packing!  Then, of course, reality hits me square in the face and I am reminded that I'm the Pastor's nearest living relative that isn't praying, fasting, or visiting the addicted and dying... who may have already asked PN-WD the very same questions that I'm being asked.  So, wait, you don't care that we will be having 3 solid meals of hot dogs??  Weird.

I also like to think that my very unique position keeps many a lady out of the communion wine.  Just playing my part in keeping the Kingdom pure. ;)


 

10 x Random = Cheese.

This may be one of my most random posts ever and who knows if I'll ever "publish it"... but here are some random thoughts that I've had recently...

1. I still want my nose pierced.  This is not something Ben will get behind.

2. "Get behind" is something that Michael said about a million times on our vacation... which can only mean that my mom will start using it soon and Michael will rue the day he ever repeated this phrase.  I think that's a glorious revenge. ;)

3. Hotsauce recently lied to our children and told them that nobody in our house works harder than I do.  This was after Benjamin told my sister that I sit on the computer all day and watch TV while the rest of the Turkey Bottoms do all the chores.  I was crying while cleaning a jar of exploded jam out of the pantry (which starts to mold if it happens while you're on vacation at the time) and muttering about how no one appreciates what I do.  I think he panicked and just wanted me to stop crying! ;)  It may have also been a very special time of the month and I may or may not have been overly tired... I also may not have corrected Hotsauce's obvious lie.

4. While at the water park at Adventureland I saw lots of girls wearing bikinis with these wrap around tattoos and I thought they looked amazing... Well, except that I couldn't actually read anything that they said... and that I'm whole heartedly against bikinis (it's a modesty issue) ... and once they have 5 kids it's not going to look nearly as hot.  Yes, I'm sure they all plan on having 5 kids.  Doesn't everyone?

5.  I have been growing my hair out for some time and in this heat I really, really, really want to cut it.  I found my "perfect" hair style on Pinterest and was working up the courage to talk to Hotsauce about it... because it involves cutting, perming and coloring my hair... and after I said I want to get my hair cut he went on a 5 minute monologue about how much he loves my hair and how beautiful it is to the point that  I think he was tearing up (ok, that never happened) and I melted.  I mean, if he loves it that much who am I to disagree?  Here's a little peek at what I had on my mind...

Photo credit here!

But since he was poetically begging  creatively reassuring me of my beauty I could not dash his hopes... yet.  Because if things don't cool down soon I will be standing at the mirror with scissors in hand and it will not be pretty.

6.  My sister, Krista, was telling me that she bought the book 50 Shades of Grey for her Nook.   My Facebook feed tells me that this is a summer hit among many of my girl friends, but I really had no idea what the book is about.  So imagine this innocent Christian lady's reaction when Sis starts off by saying that the main character is a "Submissive" and that the whole idea sickened her and she had to quit reading the book.  Mean while in my mind a woman who is submissive is one who submits to her husband and I was gearing up to defend my position that this is a God given role and defend the cause of the main character! Ha!  After a brief description of the book I am convinced that 50 Shades of Grey is not based on biblical principles! 

7. After reading Jon Acuff's blog today I was amazed to see another reference to 50 Shades of Grey.  I always love to stalk the comments and read the ongoing debates on hot button topics.  One that was particularly funny, in an ironic kind of way, was one man who said something to the effect that he hates it when Christians judge something as evil without ever experiencing it... in this case declaring the book evil, without reading it, is another example of the judgmental Christian agenda.  Really?  You can only declare something evil if you've experienced it yourself?  Hmmmm.  Like murder?  Or child molestation?  Or hundreds of other examples that come to mind.  Don't be deceived the book is called "Mommy porn" for a reason.

8. On a lighter note, I refinished a table today.  Sanded it, stained it and currently waiting for the poly to dry.  Just one thing on a long list of things to get done before Hotsauce's family gets here in a few weeks!  I would like come up with "Sauce" names for his brother and 2 sisters as well!  This also reminds me that I'm supposed to be designing reunion shirts!  Whoops.  

9.  I drove over an hour today to buy old rusty lockers.  In a cruel twist of fate I was able to see them laying in the Pickin' Shed's driveway, but the owners weren't there and I left empty handed.  Are.you.kidding.me??  So sad.  Here they are in all their glory... well, actually they'd be far more glorious in my house!!

Be still my beating heart!  Find the Pickin' Shed on Facebook here.

I know.  I know! I.know!!!  You are inwardly weeping with me!  Ok, so maybe not so much, but please tell me these wouldn't be wonderful in my house! You can't do it, can you?  The patina, the rust, the extra storage for a homeschooling mama!!

10. And finally the cheese.  Once again I forgot the cheese!  I had in mind to buy some "Ghost Cheese" for my Dad for Father's Day.  I went to the Fairbank Locker only to be told that they are constantly selling out of it.  Really?  You're selling out of cheese?  It's hot, like Ryan Gosling cheering on my homeschooling efforts... I have no idea where that came from, because frankly he's not that hot.  Not Hotsauce hot for sho! Um, what?  Ok, so it's a bit spicy... the cheese that is... Like make grown men cry hot.  And I know that Dad will love it if I ever get my hands on it!

Just in case you have no idea what I'm talking about with Ryan Gosling... which might not even be his name... because my pop culture stinks... I will dig up a final tidbit...

See, Ryan Gosling gets it!  He was home schooled! ;)